absolute loser

It is currently 11:36pm. The time I used to arrive at my old bar, because any earlier and those bartenders would hurt me. But, tonight…my night is done, man. I’m old. naps are the new black. But, it’s going to be hard to get to sleep. Still buzzing from tonight’s show.

That was it. that’s what I chase in my job and in my live show attendance. That great band playing the small room. I had a facebook memory this week of seeing the Lumineers playing liberty hall in Lawrence. It’s maybe 1000 capacity, but they had originally booked the 300 max bottleneck. And tried to do an acapella song at the end and were nervous about it, because the room was so huge. Now they play arenas.

Anyway, fruit bats. I stumbled into liking them just a few weeks ago. and they were kind enough to stop through kc, even though the crowd was sparse. They’re selling out in other cities, but record bar had to pull in tables and chairs to make it seem full tonight.

I’m full. And it only has a tiny bit to do with this quiktrip taquito i'm about to chase with that donut. Oh see…this is why I’m having this “I feel like I’m back” moment tonight. my lyft driver. Solid gold. He okayed my stop at the QT and probably saved me from the inevitable morning after headache.

He and i clicked. We talked music. He likes nirvana and Elton john. Good for him. I told him I went to the neil diamond concert at sprint center. He asked me if I knew the movie “saving silverman”. Does the pope think Donald trump is catholic? I don’t know.

It was the save my night needed. I used to go out and make friends with everyone. I could form complete sentences and everything. These days. The shows I go to. a) they’re by myself and b) I’m the misfit in the corner just doing his own thing.

Which leads me to my favorite song from tonight’s bands. The fruit bats “absolute loser” might just be my theme song. And really the best is googling it. there are more question marks than accurate words. And THAT is fruit bats. The sound is great. Who cares what the lyrics are? I didn’t know any of them well enough to sing along, but you can bet your ass I danced my little heart out.

And I watched people. There was that one kid who did all the motions to what a guitar player would do during the guitar solo. As the girl next to him, who he was not with, did the exact same thing.

There was the guy I 100% judged for being not good enough for the super hot girl he was with. Wrong. He was literally the only person (outside of the bartenders) who talked to me all night. I was wearing my “let’s party” hat. He asked if I was a Dawes fan. And I kind of fell in love. That girl is actually lucky to have him.

Her boyfriend and I talked dawes. He knew the fucking original keyboard player who I drunk met in Columbia, MO. He knew conor oberst. And better oblivion community center. Just as sure as you are saying, “matt, what the fuck are you talking about?”

It was worth the price of admission. But, fruit bats were worth much more than that twenty bucks. My god man. It was such a great show.  I love, love, love bands like that. Like dawes. Like frank turner. Or conor oberst. No reason for them to play these tiny dumps in kc or iowa or Omaha. But, they do.

And it gets me out of the house. And maybe then I get to talk to 1 more person than I would have if I had stayed at home to work. so, naturally we’re back to the lyrics to “absolute loser”…

“An absolute loser on the verge of something great

Just waiting, waiting, waiting for the storm to break”

Okay yeah. Tears again. Ish. This storm has raged just a wee bit too long for my tastes. But, it’ll break, right? Like it’s been three years since I dated a human girl. The waiting is my favorite. I mean, I basically have put myself in time out after acknowledging that my dating decision making is not tip top, but it's still no fun to live in the lonely.

So, yeah…I could go for a break to this storm. Better days are coming. I tell myself that a lot. I don’t really believe it. I believe more in the “I’m an absolute loser…absolutely broken in every sense” side of it. fruit bats get me.

But, honestly tonight gave me hope. It was like a scene out of piano man. All the characters at the bar. Milling about. I, at the very least, wasn’t the one not pictured, because he chose to stay home again.

I was out. I was about. And nearly died on the way to the show as my lyft driver told me he drove lyft because Uber suspended him twice. Once for getting pulled over while driving. And once for a customer complaint. Yeah, he could have kept that to himself, but it was refreshing to be reminded that I’m a magnet for people who want to be real.

Storm. Fuck you storm. You can’t rage forever. You’ll break. I’ll get on with my life as it was intended. Where I’m writing. And social. And finding excuses to tip too much. That was a good night. Just listen to fruit bats. They’ll tell you the rest of the story.

i'm hoping they tell the one about how you don't go out to meet that one girl like i did the last time i went to record bar. the one who i hit it off with and we spent the night bar hopping and quietly went our separate ways at 3am. only to have her text me the next day asking to hang out for her birthday. that was an oh shit moment. "you like me enough to hang out on your birthday?" fuck man, you're blurry. i'm sure you're great, but weren't we just drinking our way through one night's pain?

i don't want to be the ass hole who ghosts the girl he didn't sleep with. so, maybe story times and life in general are better when you call it a night at 11:36. not pictured: a human girl. background noise...the absolute loser who actually believes this storm will break.