You're Beautiful and You're Essential

Beautiful by Eminem

“Lately I've been hard to reach

I've been too long on my own

Everybody has a private world

Where they can be alone

Are you calling me, are you trying to get through

Are you reaching out for me, like I'm reaching out for you

I'm just so fuckin' depressed

I just can't seem to get out this slump

If I could just get over this hump

But I need something to pull me out this dump”

I just put my Quarantine Spotify playlist on shuffleplay and that’s the lyric that got me. I love those moments where you’re going through life and realize there’s a soundtrack that’s already been written. And really, that’s a perfect way to look at all of this. Hard times happen. all over the world. This could end up being America’s hardest time. Tbd.

But, we don’t need it to break the all-time record to know that it’s getting to all of us. this quarantine is making our minds bend in ways that they haven’t had to. it’s been prosperity. And excess. And my daughter was really sad that we didn’t have bacon at breakfast at dinner.

Reframe. None of the shit that we thought matters does. We could battle things in the near future that we never thought possible. We never could relate to the native americans getting trampled over in what they thought was the land of the free. We could never have related to immigrants fleeing war-torn central American countries.

We gave the Native Americans smallpox, then took all their beautiful land. And it’s lately gotten worse. Central Americans fleeing a nightmare in their home country got to see first-hand that what we’re currently seeing is an American nightmare, not an American dream. Get to the border, exhausted. Your reward for your long journey? We take your kids, put them in cages and send you back home.

I want no part of that we.

It’s unconscionable that this is who we are. We’ve let evil take over at the highest levels of government and now everyday hard-working Americans lives are being put at risk. It’s become life or death to work at a grocery store. Doctors and nurses don’t have the supplies they need to protect themselves from a deadly virus.

Our president dodged the draft 5 times. Yet, his incompetence (or worst case his intentional inaction) essentially drafted our health care professionals and other essential employees to the front lines of a war we shouldn’t have to be fighting. They’re dying for what? the economy? our enemy? It’s impossible to make sense of the fact that we are killing our own.

The number of cases and deaths per capita is going to have the USA in the top spot by a mile. I remember a USA that we could actually cheer. A USA we could be proud of. But, we’ve become the dictator led country that we used to rush in to save and restore democracy.

There is no democracy. Evil has taken over all branches of government. There is no rule of law. When lawmakers sold their own stock and bought PPE manufacturing company stock, because they knew how bad it was about to get, but reassured the public there was nothing to worry about…I mean come on. This is insane. Nothing for them to worry about maybe, because they keep profiting off the death of Americans, but the rest of us are really just sacrificial lambs to the profit of others?

Wait, what? How is this possible?

Facts keep coming out via hospitals, doctors and governors that directly contradict the garbage that Trump keeps spewing. But, he has the microphone. So tests are plentiful. We couldn’t have seen this coming. New York is asking for too many ventilators. None of that is even close to true.

He’s a mad man.

He wouldn’t fight for his country when he was the right age to be drafted. Now, he’s fighting against those trying to fight for us. doctors and nurses are being sacrificed, so trump and the legion of doom can make more money?

And it's not like this dynamic is new. it’s his pattern of behavior. Everyone has to be blindly loyal to his bat shit insanity or they’re done. Michael Atkinson. Brett Crozier. Alexander Vindman. Hell, Michael Cohen. He burns through confidants, staff and cabinet members like they mean nothing to him, because they do mean nothing to him. now he’s coming for our doctors, nurses and other essential workers.

We had a head start and a real chance to contain the virus early. but, he downplayed it and called it a hoax. We needed to test to predict how fast the coronavirus was growing. He didn’t let us. we needed to start producing masks and ventilators weeks ago. what we’re getting now is too little, too late.

So, what we’re about to feel…everyday, beautiful, hard-working Americans…is what the Native Americans felt. It’s what immigrants seeking asylum here felt these last few years. it’s unfair. It’s immoral. It’s illegal. These are war crimes carried out by our president against his own people. This is an American genocide.

Every other country in the world is handling this better than us. we’re dead last. Across the board. America. What the actual fuck? This cannot be real. The only category of people that isn’t hurting as bad is those that knew this was going to happen here. They’re profiting off of this. It’s capitalism in its most evil, runaway form. Death for money.

Joe exotic is in prison for that. Don Pandemic continues to kill Americans and is being praised by FOX news. Rome is burning. And we enabled him. from election interference. To the Mueller report. To the sham impeachment hearings. To not demanding to see his taxes. And most importantly to allow State TV aka FOX news to so pervert the truth that we still have people watching our country go to hell and yet they're continuing to quote FOX’s and #45’s fiction as fact.

And that’s the problem. Outside looking in this is easy to see. I read a report about how other countries are reporting this and they’re telling the truth. We think we’re a world super power, but we’re not. This is the end of the American empire.

And if we were dumb enough to elect this guy, do we deserve it? Fuck no. there are so many great Americans. So many who could see that electing a dumb president is forgivable, if he surrounds himself with smart people. What we couldn’t afford to do is elect a morally bankrupt idiot with zero regard for human life. Serial rapists should be disqualified from the office of president. Once you file for your 6^th bankruptcy, what kind of dipshit would think…well, I guess I’ll apply to be leader of the free world. and what kind of evil political party says, "you're our guy".

How cute is that? our freedom has been taken away by a science hating, money-loving, self-serving tyrant. We can’t leave the house or find toilet paper. Businesses are ruined. Life’s work undone. Most people can’t afford to miss one paycheck and the federal government dumped 1.5 Trillion into the stock market and gave billions to corporate America. but, only $1200 (maybe) to individuals.

Next up is going to be, “I can’t believe you couldn’t make the $1200 check that I personally signed last for six months,” love Uncle Donny. Have you ever tried to pay rent in SF with $1200? Good people. People we know and love are not food secure. Are not housing secure. the greatest economy in the history of the world this is not.

Within weeks, we’ll have people we love seriously up against it. myself included. I paid rent with credit this month. The number of months I can keep doing that is not many. I thank God that my kids have their mom’s house and their mom’s job as a teacher as a guarantee. My income and housing situation is really up in the air.

But, that’s not what worries me most. I stopped writing, because this is where I end up. Writing usually gives me peace. But, reasoning this stuff out not only is impossible, but it leads to dark conclusions. You couldn’t possibly make this stuff up. I’m trying to write about Eminem and mental health and end up in over my head with the least logical and most insane reality that…fuck. This is nothing we could have dreamed possible and it will continue to get worse.

Therefore…Eminem is our only hope. Not literally of course. Fuck me. I was picturing him being president and that didn’t sound great, but that led to the thought that the kind of brain power that it takes to still be supporting trump is akin to electing Kid Rock president. and honestly at this point, he'd be a better option than the Donald.

But, back to Eminem. That sentiment that this started with, “are you reaching out to me, like I’m reaching out to you?” we have to keep reaching out. the you tube videos I’ve been doing. The facebook posts. The common theme has been trying to make sure we stay connected.

We all have to be neil diamond…sweet caroline…reaching out…touching hands…touching me…touching you. No more of those last two, but holy crap…it has never been more important to keep reaching out. we are about to lose people we love. To the virus. Literally or mentally.

And the only way to keep each other afloat is to keep talking. Keep checking in. we need to reminisce about the good times when we can’t handle the current state of our union. Or get lost in a book or a movie or music. We’re going to have to compartmentalize to survive. We’ll have pockets of denial, but we have to face this reality at some point.

Think about the US right now as a reality tv show and how Russia is viewing it.

Think about us going so far down this dark path that in a few months we try to flee to Canada and seek asylum. They take our kids, put them in cages and send us back to the States. (not an original thought, but it got me when I read it today)

Think about 100s of thousands (probably) of Americans that are about to die and our president is talking about more about how good his press conference ratings are than he is giving sympathy to the families of the Americans he has killed.

All right. That’s enough for tonight. but, man fuck all that. we can't just roll over and accept this is our new reality. we have fantastic human beings in our country. The ones with good hearts are essential. The morally bankrupt pathological liars who are murdering us in mass are not. We have to vote them out while we still have a chance.

You’re beautiful, America. Now, act like it.

(And I hate that this stuff is so all-encompassing that it went from a blog about the mental health challenges that we're all about to be facing to yet another head-shaking this can't be real post about Trump's twisted version of what it means to make America great. but, please keep reaching out. please keep talking to your people. this is going to be so fucking hard. "don't let em say you ain't beautiful. they can all get fucked just stay true to you." Love, Eminem)